Tag Archives: loss

Driving after dark

We drive alone at night behind headlights that ply the roads as if we could see where we are going as if we could see those bright and narrow shafts saying this is where you will be in a second this is where you will be saying the path is clear and safe while the […]

Now you know

  You can cry while running but it’s best to just breathe when your disappearing father shits himself again in long term care. And you can laugh at the squirrel’s antics even with earth from the cat’s grave still fresh beneath your nails. Now you know the finest prayer you will ever offer is sweet […]

In dreams

You come to me in dreams, and you are happy, so I am happy. Or maybe, the other way around, but you are tender, as I always wished, and I am kind, as you once believed. You come to me in dreams between the sea-green tiles in a childhood bathroom and the fragrant cedar bedding […]

Called

On account of darkness, called: The ball game on the unlit field; the interminable argument. The migration of hummingbirds; the crescent moon, incrementally. Dusk. The hope for something better; the search for survivors. The ovulation of hens. The play of long-ago children. The open throats of morning glories; the songs of wrens, of larks, of […]

Leaving

I hoped he was dead when I woke the next morning,  eight hours after I left him holding the hand of the next hospice volunteer. We call it “vigil:”  a bearing witness and keeping company with the actively dying. We do it for them and their loved ones —  exhausted, grieving families and friends — who are desperate […]

Anthem

Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point. –C.S.  Lewis Do not languish in the field hospital of your wounding the fetid air choking your willing lungs but crawl until you can limp limp until you can walk walk until you can march and march […]

Briefly through

  Timmy Wind blows briefly through his parents’ helpless arms less a child than an element that could not bear the heavy head the veiled light the damp and dimpled fingers the constraint of flesh where once was space the intolerable capture of his formless beauty Timmy Wind blows briefly through the life he did […]

x-ray xray of hand

Rise

Here alone am I the most vital thing if you don’t count the birds a hummingbird’s wings beat every .02 seconds that live in the canopy of trees above the headstones. I sit on a bench near the cemetery’s edge to meditate but my mind wanders neurons mediate thought in the span of a hummingbird’s […]

Spring

Persephone stirs in the world of the dead where she was not born but borne by the dark love who kissed her innocent lips who sang to her secret longing who offered in tender and devious palms glistening rubies, delight and ruin in the same shimmering seeds, blood-red. She ate, of course. Love is like […]

We gather again, broken

Near the end, if we are lucky — then or in the in-between, at an emotional way station we hoped would arrive, not knowing when — we gather again, broken. The lover and the leaver, the feckless parent, the helpless child, the endless variations of victim and perpetrator between which, here, distinctions fade in scalding light: […]