Tag Archives: loss

Where I wished the wrens

Where I wished the wrens the wasps the face of the nestbox wrapped like a mummy its mouth occluded saying oh oh beneath the grotesque paper mask saying where are my wrens my beauties where their perfect song? Where I wished the smooth grass the gopher’s mounds fresh each morning soft sepulchers shrouding some dank […]

Let our complaints

You haven’t long to love this world to claim the blood washing the awakening sky to feel the wren’s song swelling your open throat that later will clench to imagine the bewildered doe leaving her speckled child there along the road where the car struck it. Now untangle the tortured skein of the life you’ve […]

Tullio Di Sandro sings

a song of remorse a song for the dead muddled in his native tongue in his immigrant heart wanting life for her not death Mia figlia, il mio cuore  a dirge for what cannot be undone a lament for love and fear wed in the catastrophic instant she dropped from his coarse and tender hands […]

Keeping busy

Not long ago, I wrote a relative in the chatty way one writes relatives, with whom meaningful conversations are apparently impossible, involving, as they might, honest emotion. She told me about the weather, and grocery shopping. I described what I had been doing, an unremarkable assortment of mostly pleasant activities: reading, writing, running, puttering about […]

Driving after dark

We drive alone at night behind headlights that ply the roads as if we could see where we are going as if we could see those bright and narrow shafts saying this is where you will be in a second this is where you will be saying the path is clear and safe while the […]

Now you know

  You can cry while running but it’s best to just breathe when your disappearing father shits himself again in long term care. And you can laugh at the squirrel’s antics even with earth from the cat’s grave still fresh beneath your nails. Now you know the finest prayer you will ever offer is sweet […]

In dreams

You come to me in dreams, and you are happy, so I am happy. Or maybe, the other way around, but you are tender, as I always wished, and I am kind, as you once believed. You come to me in dreams between the sea-green tiles in a childhood bathroom and the fragrant cedar bedding […]

Called

On account of darkness, called: The ball game on the unlit field; the interminable argument. The migration of hummingbirds; the crescent moon, incrementally. Dusk. The hope for something better; the search for survivors. The ovulation of hens. The play of long-ago children. The open throats of morning glories; the songs of wrens, of larks, of […]

Leaving

I hoped he was dead when I woke the next morning,  eight hours after I left him holding the hand of the next hospice volunteer. We call it “vigil:”  a bearing witness and keeping company with the actively dying. We do it for them and their loved ones —  exhausted, grieving families and friends — who are desperate […]

Anthem

Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point. –C.S.  Lewis Do not languish in the field hospital of your wounding the fetid air choking your willing lungs but crawl until you can limp limp until you can walk walk until you can march and march […]