Tag Archives: loss

Knowing it would end

did I ghost my life, indentured to some lesser master, determined not to breathe too gladly, and was I afraid of my body’s fierce appetites, how it loved food, needed water, wanted you, how in the same moments it longed to be free, and caught, as if paradox were its natural disposition, the skeleton on […]

Falling

Again I realize I am falling, that behind the closed door, the everyday hardness, lies still the door flung wide: the soft sadness antecedent to the long descent, the intractable span between beginnings and endings, dreams and reality, then and now. We speak of falling in love, but there are other ways to fall. Deeper.  […]

Lifeguard

Your days in the dark mute before the television dozing in your wheelchair in a room that stinks of incontinence I want to swim you back like a lifeguard my arm a bandolier across your frail chest beneath the arm made useless by the worst fall (Why did you, why did we, let them pick […]

Where I wished the wrens

Where I wished the wrens the wasps the face of the nestbox wrapped like a mummy its mouth occluded saying oh oh beneath the grotesque paper mask saying where are my wrens my beauties where their perfect song? Where I wished the smooth grass the gopher’s mounds fresh each morning soft sepulchers shrouding some dank […]

Let our complaints

You haven’t long to love this world to claim the blood washing the awakening sky to feel the wren’s song swelling your open throat that later will clench to imagine the bewildered doe leaving her speckled child there along the road where the car struck it. Now untangle the tortured skein of the life you’ve […]

Tullio Di Sandro sings

a song of remorse a song for the dead muddled in his native tongue in his immigrant heart wanting life for her not death Mia figlia, il mio cuore  a dirge for what cannot be undone a lament for love and fear wed in the catastrophic instant she dropped from his coarse and tender hands […]

Keeping busy

Not long ago, I wrote a relative in the chatty way one writes relatives, with whom meaningful conversations are apparently impossible, involving, as they might, honest emotion. She told me about the weather, and grocery shopping. I described what I had been doing, an unremarkable assortment of mostly pleasant activities: reading, writing, running, puttering about […]

Driving after dark

We drive alone at night behind headlights that ply the roads as if we could see where we are going as if we could see those bright and narrow shafts saying this is where you will be in a second this is where you will be saying the path is clear and safe while the […]

Now you know

  You can cry while running but it’s best to just breathe when your disappearing father shits himself again in long term care. And you can laugh at the squirrel’s antics even with earth from the cat’s grave still fresh beneath your nails. Now you know the finest prayer you will ever offer is sweet […]

In dreams

You come to me in dreams, and you are happy, so I am happy. Or maybe, the other way around, but you are tender, as I always wished, and I am kind, as you once believed. You come to me in dreams between the sea-green tiles in a childhood bathroom and the fragrant cedar bedding […]